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Social platforms can never replace the direct communications we had in the past
DOES anyone here remember Friendster?
It was the great-granddaddy of the digital distractions that kids now use to ignore you at the dinner table.
Kids carry their universe with them wherever they go — on WhatsApp, Instagram, Facebook, etc. They don’t need to know about your day when their entire world is on their phones.
I was on Friendster, but it died around 2015. Now, I use Facebook as a replacement, having found the platform that used to be known as Twitter a bit too racy and graceless.
Facebook, though not without its drawbacks — such as being an agent for the world domination of a certain group of people — suited my modest needs.
However, in some ways, social platforms can never replace the direct communications we had in the past.
I realised the other day that I have been unfriended on Facebook.
It was done quietly with no drama or explanation.
In the past, like 50 years ago, when you weren’t friends any more, you’d know why.
Let me give you an example of how we unfriended people on my street. We were about 12 at the time. Sam, who was sweet on Aishah, found out that Bad, their mutual friend, had sent her a letter expressing his admiration one day.
Sam, after rounding up a few of us, met with Bad at the park by the river.
“Bad, stay away from Aishah. You are so bad.”
See how much better that was than being unfriended? No confusion, no wondering why or when it happened.
See the moral clarity of confronting your relationship problems head-on?
Consider the unambiguous way with which another childhood character unfriended his friend.
“Arab, you don’t know how to play football, don’t come to the padang again.”
Before Facebook, you also had other choices than Friend or Unfriend.
You had levels of disengagement from “I don’t want to see you around here,” which meant you cannot ride bikes around the neighbourhood anymore for the next couple of weeks, to “you are dead to me”, which means you no longer existed.
When someone was “dead to me”, they could still hang out with the same group, but if you want to convey information, it had to go through a third person, even if you were sitting right next to each other.
This ultimate level of unfriending was not achieved with a cowardly little tap on the keypad. “Dead to me” took nerve, courage and commitment.
Some childhood unfriendings lasted not just weeks — but well into adulthood.
In the present day when it is easy to mistake mutual followers and “likes” on social media for friendship, you can easily get carried away.
It is better to have a few friends whom you can tell to get out of your face rather than having a million followers who can just as easily tap that unfriend button.
- ZB Othman is an editor of The Malaysian Reserve.
- This article first appeared in The Malaysian Reserve weekly print edition
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